2 Peter 3:14-15 NIV
[14] So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him. [15] Bear in mind that our Lord’s patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him.

So you thought you had to keep this up,
All the work that you do so we think that your good.
And you can’t believe it’s not enough.
All the walls you built up are just glass on the outside.
So let them fall down…
This is where the healing begins.
–Excerpts from the song Healing Begins, by Tenth Avenue North.

I recently studied 1 & 2 Peter with a few ladies in an online Bible study. As I was reading the final chapter, the verses above jumped off the page at me. Over the last three months of writing this blog, I have been stumbling to adequately express what God’s grace means to me today. On the one hand, His grace has always meant everything to me, because I know that I would be lost without it! But the fact is that I am just now beginning to really understand God’s grace as I experience it anew, in the Joy of the Lord.

Before I continue, I must say I honestly never planned to write about my specific doctrinal beliefs in this blog. But, I don’t know how to share my thoughts about grace without first telling you a little bit about what I believe. You need to know where I’m coming from in order to understand why Grace is such an amazing revelation to me at this point in my life.

I come from a Wesleyan background and have always fully embraced this doctrine.  This means I follow the teachings of  John Wesley.  He taught free will and the importance of working out your salvation with fear and trembling (Phil. 2:12) because it is possible to chose to reject Christ and renounce your Christian Faith (Hebrews 6:4-6).  The opposite view was taught by John Calvin.  Basically, he taught that God chose ahead of time those who would be saved and that nothing, not even a person’s will, can separate the chosen soul from God’s salvation (Romans 8:29, 38-39).  Please note, I am well aware that this is an oversimplified statement of these two major (and opposing) doctrines of the Christian Faith…there is much more to each. However, my purpose today isn’t to debate theology, but to share my testimony. If you want more, I would encourage you to study it for yourself to decide what you believe.

So, in a nutshell, I believe in free will and I do not believe that God chooses some to be saved and others to be damned. I believe that as a Christian I can chose to reject Jesus Christ if for some reason I change my heart and mind and decide that everything I’ve ever believed is a lie. I do not believe in eternal security as it relates to having no choice in the matter of faith.

I know I will be stepping on a few toes when I say this…but here goes.  I personally believe there is great benefit to growing up under Wesleyan teaching, but I can also see a few pitfalls as it relates to how one might apply these teachings to their life.  Let me explain.  Wesley never taught that you have to ‘pull up your bootstraps’ and do all the work in your own strength. But somehow, as it relates to my life, that was basically the lesson I learned.  Growing up under Wesleyan teaching, I learned to ‘study to show myself approved by God’ (2 Tim. 2:15). Don’t just read the Bible, study it. Know what you believe. Apply it to your life. Work hard.

I have always known that I wasn’t working my way into heaven. It was Jesus who saved me when I repented of my sin and put my faith in Him. His death on the Cross paid my debt for sin. His sacrifice is the reason I am going to heaven, not hell.  It is the Holy Spirit in me who shines light on Truth and refines me with it.  However, because of my Wesleyan beliefs, I also knew that I could walk away if I chose to do so.  So, I was very young when I started working hard to keep my faith strong. That’s why I have always had a deep rooted need to control my actions, my words, my life and everything associated with it. This is also why I felt so completely alone and literally lost when God opened my eyes to how far I had wandered away from Him (see: Who do I Trust, 3/29/15).

Now that you know what I believe, let me tell you why 2 Peter 3:14-15 jumped off the page at me.  When I read these verses, two things happened. First I heard that old familiar ‘amen’ slip through my lips as I read “So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this (the new heaven and new earth), make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him (God).”  Effort? Yeah! I’m qualified to do that. I am that Christian who works hard to know and live what I believe. Piece o’ cake!! Then verse 15 broke my train of thought as it spoke directly to my heart, “Bear in mind that our Lord’s patience means salvation…”

The Lord’s patience means salvation. When God is patient, people are saved.

2 Peter 3:9 tells us that it is not God’s will that any should perish, but that all would come to repentance. All I could think was, “God, You were patient with me! When I was walking away from You, God, You were patient with me.” God was patient with ME…and God’s patience meant my salvation.

I reread those verses a few times and just sat there thinking about it…letting it sink in. God allowed me to chose sin for a season and He was patient. When I was desperately trying to hold my family together in my own strength, God was patient. When I shoved Him aside, so I could control my crumbling world, God was patient. When I walked far, far away from Him and lived my pseudo-Christian life without Him, God was patient. In His perfect, patient timing He opened my eyes to see what I had become. In His patience, He disciplined me by allowing me to literally fear for my soul for months as I tried to figure out how to find my way back to Him.  (See: Jesus Left the 99 to Find Me, 3/22/15).

If God hadn’t made me aware of my condition, would I have regressed to the point where I could have thrown away my faith and rejected God? I honestly don’t know the answer to that question. I’d like to say ‘no’, but that possibility isn’t outside the realm of what I believe to be true.  What I know is this, I secretly prayed that I wouldn’t die while I was searching for Him. I also know that for the first time in my life I was afraid to face eternity.

I don’t know what would have happened had I continued walking the path I was on, but I do know that God patiently waited for me. He was not only patient with me, He kept His eye on me. He knew where I was every single moment of my disobedience. He knew what I was doing and what I was refusing to do.  Jesus saw my sin and He pursued me anyway. He never let me go, even while He allowed me the freedom to stray. His patience changed the direction of my life. God’s patience changed me. I am so thankful for His patience.

I think what floors me is God’s unconditional love for me. I am His child and have been since I was literally a child. I knew better than to stray. My parents taught me that lesson very young…don’t wander away from mom and dad or you’ll get lost!  That lesson applies with God too.  I knew my actions were wrong but I chose them anyway. I chose not to trust God.  I deliberately said ‘no’ to Him time after time. Each time allowing that little two-letter word to harden my heart a little bit more. Jesus did nothing to deserve this from me. Yet He never stopped loving me.  I am loved by many, but no other love compares to the love of God.

Audio Adrenaline has a song called “Leaving 99”. The bridge says:
You’re never too far down, I promise you’ll be found.
I’ll reach into the mud, the miry clay.
Pursue you to the end, like a faithful friend.
Nothing in this world can keep Me away.

THAT is what I didn’t understand about God’s grace. It’s been nearly two decades since God started teaching me lessons about His grace.  I thought I was understanding. However, it’s only been this this year that I am finally accepting it and allowing it to wash over me…to change me.

When you work so hard to be so good it’s easy to misunderstand the Grace of God.  Even when your purpose behind working so hard is a desire to never disappoint Jesus, it’s easy to become self-righteous.  I find it very easy to stand in my own strength when I am the one working so hard to maintain my faith.  What I find difficult is allowing God to do all of this for me.  This has become my daily prayer, that I will continue to willingly give God control of my life.

When I was 16 years old and heard God’s call to ministry, I never in my wildest imagination would have thought I could have wandered away from God like a dumb sheep. But that’s exactly what I did just eight years later.  I didn’t set out to leave God, I had only left the ministry.  But that act was the first step of a journey that would take me far away from the God I loved. By my actions, I turned my back on God. When I chose to listen to my own wisdom, I was rejecting His counsel. When I refused help of any kind, I was refusing His comfort.  When I was strong in myself, I was weak in God.  Mike Donehey (lead singer of Tenth Avenue North) said it well when he said,  “…you know what’s beautiful about a Redeemer? The only thing you can be too much (of) for Him, is too strong.  The only thing that keeps you from Jesus tonight is thinking you don’t need Him.”  (Quote from Celebrate Freedom concert, Atlanta, GA, 2014).  My strength is my greatest weakness before God.  It is the thing that most often comes between us.

So, that is where I was when God met me so many years ago.  Strong. Alone. Scared. Tired.  It’s funny, I feel like I learn so much on this journey I’m on with Christ.  I knew so much more when I was 24 than I knew when I was 16.  But, I would have done well to listen to my 16-year old self.  I think ‘she’ would have saved me a lot of heartache!

Have you wandered away from God?  Are you fearful at the thought of facing eternity? Please know that God is patiently waiting for you. But you should also know that it’s not wise to test His patience.  You might be successfully hiding your rebellion from people, just like I did.  But, you are most certainly not hiding it from God.  He is patient, but you are definitely choosing the more difficult path!  You need to know that God’s patience doesn’t mean that He will simply sit back and passively watch.  No, God will do whatever it takes to bring you back into the fold.  I can confidently tell you that the longer you ignore the warnings of God, the harder your heart will become.  The harder your heart gets, the more extreme God’s discipline has to be to open your eyes to your sin and bring you to a place of repentance.

Lastly, I plead with you to consider this question:  What will happen if you harden your heart and continue to ignore the discipline of God?