There are so many things that we do not talk about as Christians. Things we worry about. Regrets we bury. Fears we swallow. So many doubts, failures, shame and disappointments. Often we go to church on Sunday and put on our happy faces, never letting others in on the deep wounds we carry around with us everyday. We prefer to look like we’ve got it all together, complete with the smiles on our faces!

Why do we do that?

I’m participating in an online Bible study right now. It’s a first for me. I’ve led or participated in many studies over the years, but never a Bible study on Facebook!  When I was tagged in this Bible study group, I have to admit I was a little doubtful. It sounded so impersonal. What about the small group discussions? Who’s the leader? What if someone gets completely off point or spouts heresy…who will draw the group back to the truth of scripture? I was doubtful…but also curious, so I joined. I am happy I did! The ladies involved all love God and just want to know Jesus better. We are sharpening each other even without the face-to-face interaction.

Recently, one of the ladies wrote, “…when I’m in my hard (times) will I remember to ask God how He is loving me through my trial? Because that’s what I forget to do the most.”  I loved that question. I loved that confession. It cut to the heart of the matter. We put on our happy faces and chose not to talk to others about our fears and failures. We often don’t even seek to understand God’s love during the trial, because we’re so busy worrying that we don’t stop to pray…nor do we ask others to help us pray.  We need to open up more.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll just be tempted to ‘pull up your bootstraps’ and deal with things alone. If you have one or two people you love and trust, you may eventually open up to them…but not until you’re ready. That, my friend, is the recipe for becoming an island…that person who is all alone in the sea of humanity. I know that person. I’ve been that person. That person puts on her happy face in church and doesn’t tell others about the pain she’s feeling. That person is a horrible, lonely thing to become.

Confession. We know we have to confess our sins to God. But did you know God’s Word tells us to also confess our sins to other believers? “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” –James 5:16 (NIV)

The independent person believes it’s easier to just handle their problems alone. The planner is good at figuring out how to dig out from under the problem. The prayer warrior will see the importance of praying through the problem (but will you ask others to pray with you?). These are all strengths, but if you stand on your own strength alone, you will forfeit the blessing that comes with confession. God’s healing.

Tenth Avenue North has a song called Healing Begins. Their lead singer, Mike Donehey, did a video journal to explain the song and the verse in James that inspired it. (If you’re curious, you can find this and other videos on YouTube). Mike says that confessing to God is easy.  As long as it’s just Jesus and me, that’s fine. But as soon as we start talking about confessing to others, that’s when we start freaking out. Then he asks the question, “Are we really more scared to tell our sins to people than to God?” The answer seems to be yes.  When we confess to God it almost feels like it’s pretend, like we’re praying to a “character in the air.” But when there is flesh on the person we’re talking to, and we start exposing our sin face to face, that’s a very different thing. That makes us vulnerable. It suddenly becomes obvious that we cannot save ourselves, no matter how hard we try to be good. Whether we realize it or not, we all tend to struggle with the desire to save ourselves by making positive changes and good choices. But, that doesn’t save us.

When we make ourselves vulnerable to another person, we become transparent. Transparency helps us to see the depth of our need.  What we need is a Savior who has the power to clean us up and present us as righteous before a Holy God. We need the healing that James 5:16 tells us about.

I believe this healing is multifaceted. I am personally experiencing healing in many areas of my life, as a direct result of the joy God is pouring into me and the sins I have confessed to Him (…and to you through these blogs). But, I found one of Mike’s assertions to be very intriguing. He said that when we confess to another person, perhaps the healing we receive is healing from trying to be our own savior. He says we often get it in our head that we can’t tell others about our failures because we believe the lie that we have to make up for our sin. We try to get better on our own and prove to everyone that were not a mess. Mike says the problem with that is, we will never get free (from our sin), because we have this sneaking suspicion that to be loved is to be known fully and yet loved in spite of our ourselves. He goes on to say that religion tells us that we have to obey and do good things to (earn our salvation). But the Gospel tells us that we’ve already been accepted because of what Jesus did for us.  He have hope in Christ!

I said in my last blog that I’m starting from scratch. This life I’m living with Jesus looks different today than it did before this year.  I’m much more like my 16-year old self again!  Full of faith.  In love with Jesus.  Excited to serve Him.  Joyful.  However, at 16, I was quite shy…not so much today!  Other things in my life are very much the same today.  Through the years, I have always believed in the truth of God’s Word and incorporated those truths into my daily life.  Being good has been important to me for as long as I can remember…it still is.  Prayer has always been a natural part of me…even when I was running from God I was talking to Him constantly.  Yes, I am even a mystery to myself sometimes!

So, I’ve been an open book for nearly 20 years, since God restored me, making me face the fact that I had become an island. I thought I was opening up and being vulnerable every time I shared my testimony with people.  I wasn’t sparing any of the details, I was sharing my failures and God’s keeping power.  But, I realize today that I was only sharing my past and the lessons I had had learned through past failure.  I wasn’t confessing current failures, fears and sins. Whenever I was in the midst of a storm I didn’t open up to anyone before I was ready to talk about it. When I failed to obey God, I didn’t go around telling others about it. When I sinned, I certainly didn’t confess it to flesh and blood people!  One notable exception might be last year’s confession to the retreat ladies that I couldn’t teach on joy because I had none (see Trusting God with My heart, 3/1/15).  But, honestly if I hadn’t been responsible to prepare a study on joy, I probably wouldn’t have confessed my utter lack of joy that day.  Looking back, I am so thankful that God used that event in my life to lead me to joy!

My prayer today is that God will heal this independence in me. That He will humble me and remove my pride, giving me the strength to take off the happy face and the courage to confess my sins to other believers so that I may be healed.  I pray that I will really begin to believe that I am accepted because of what Jesus did for me on the cross.  That I will stop putting so much faith in my own ability to be good!  I pray all this for you as well.